I know this seems silly, because it is. People who are a size six, like myself, should not have troubles. This is a normal, appropriate size (I think). But the trouble of it is the pressure to go down to a size four and the pressure of eating too much, thus becoming a size eight. Who wants to go up a size when they are a normal size?! Most clothes fit nicely and there are a lot of clothes for a size six person. But then there’s a size four. Then I start thinking, and pinching my fat and thinking of how much nicer my body would be if I was a few inches smaller. Who doesn’t want to be smaller? I’m sixteen years old, of course I have body issues. I look at my naked body when I get out of the shower and I tug on my love handles because I shouldn’t have them. And my boobs aren’t big enough and my thighs are a little too big. I am sure there is also pressure from the media but I don’t pay attention to that very much unless I am here on tumblr, looking at all these almost perfect girls with their more than perfect size two bodies. But it’s not only the size, it’s a girls figure and how jeans fit her and her stomach doesn’t fall out of the sides of them like mine do sometimes. I wonder how those girls feel. I’m sure they hate themselves sometimes too but it can’t be as much as size six girls do. Because they are stuck between being too big and not being small enough. And I absolutely hate it. Maybe no one agrees with me. Maybe some do? I don’t know. But this is how I feel and I hate it. 

A day of working, reading, dreaming, laughing, writing, thinking, jamming, learning, toking, drinking tea, and attempting to study. I’ve been laughing a lot more lately. I’m trying to be independent. 

and being high and trying to manage both. blah